Two things to know before marriage

I remember before I got married asking people what I should know about marriage. What was the one thing you wish somebody would have told you? Now I know what I would tell someone else about marriage. Two things.

1. You are incredibly selfish. If there is anything that marriage has taught me It's that I'm incredibly selfish. I get mad when I don't get my way and I look out for my own interest first. Was I incredibly selfish before marriage? Yes. The reason why I think I can see it more in marriage is because I have to take another person into consideration. Before I only had to make decisions based on what I wanted because I was free to do what I pleased. Now that I'm married we have to make decisions together based on whats good for us and not just what I want.

Is my husband incredibly selfish? Yes. But I don't believe that God would have me focus on his sin. God would have me focus on my own selfishness and pray for my husband. When we focus on someone else sin what we're saying is that there's nothing wrong with us and hes the one that needs to be fixed. But in reality we are all very selfish people whether we realize it or not.

I would encourage you to take the time and ask God to reveal your sin to you. Have you really been trying to be the wife that God has called you to be. I know that my husband really loves and appreciates me but I also know that he doesn't know a lot of my sinful thoughts.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; -Psalm 139:23

 2. You have your own agenda. Believe it or not you have your own agenda. That agenda can be big like having five children or something small like your husband  taking out the trash tonight. Is it wrong to have plans or an agenda? No. Usually the sin comes after our plans have failed. It all comes down to how we will act when our plans don't happen. Will we be angry at our husbands for not cleaning when people are coming over? Will we be bitter that someone else is pregnant when we're not? Will we be jealous that someones husband got their wife flowers when ours didn't? It's not wrong to want any of those thing but those reactions to it is. When we put our hope on our circumstances instead of Christ we are sinning. Our joy should not come from how much our life is going according to plan but from God alone.

I can promise you that your husband will fail you more than once in your marriage. Don't be surprised. Just like you will fail him. It's our sinful condition. But I can also promise you there will be times where everything seems to be going according to your plan (scary). Because those are the times when we are most likely to do things on our own since everything is okay. Conflict points us towards Christ because we can't fix it on our own. Marriage is a big sanctifying factor in our lives because we are constantly being worked on.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;  and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. -Romans 5:3-5

 Remember that you're a team and not working against each other. Share with your husband how you're feeling. Confess your sins to him. Pray together. And always remember to pray for him because he needs it just as much as you do.

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Karla said...

Very true!! I can’t believe you are learning these lessons so early on.. most people take years.. to admit to their faults and sins. I know I am and can be really selfish at times.. and worst of all I am not quick to apologize even when I’ve realize what I have done is wrong. I have said it before that marriage is the most humbling experience.. it teaches us how to love someone unconditionally knowing they aren’t perfect! Thank you for this post.. I will always refer back to it when I’m having one of those days!

Liz Brown said...

This is so good to be reminded of BEFORE I get married. I should start working on my selfishness now huh! :D

Jennifer Blair said...

Hehe. These are the same things I learned too. Selfishness is huge. Everyday is a chance to lay down your life for your husband and choose him over you. It's a big challenge for sure!

Danie at Pasadya said...

You speak with so much wisdom and courage, Daisy. I truly loved this post. I agree, it's hard to be selfless and treat your spouse the way he or she should be treated. I usually just make myself mad about tiny things that my husband has no idea of. The times when I'm mad, I always forget the way he unselfishly cares for me every day. I need to remember that.

Anne said...

Thank you for this post! I'm also a newly wed reaching our 8 month mark soon. Its the little reminders here and there from other married couples that helps me appreciate my marriage and my husband.
I couldn't agree more with you about selfishness. We give up so much for our spouse when we are committed to them.
I look forward to reading more of your posts, I'm a new follower from The Chronicles of Ruthie Hart.

Amanda said...

All of this is so true and it's just what I needed to read. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and honesty. I definitely see just how selfish I am... Thanks for your encouraging words, you've got a beautiful heart! :)

Eat, Drink and Be Married said...

This was a huge shock to me when I moved in with my roommate for University and I can just imagine it will be more prevalent when I get married! My Pastor always says marriage is like a mirror which shows you your best and worst qualities. The more and more I learn about marriage that definitely seems to be a true statement.

Kasey Lynne said...

This post is so encouraging to me...I'm getting married in 45 days so these two points are GOOD to know!
Thank you!

Becky [This Road Called Vida] said...

Great great post! Conflict definitely points us toward Christ. Thanks for that simple but DEEP reminder!
I think that first reminder would've been a great one for me to have heard before I got married. I completely didn't view myself as selfish, but I now know that I definitely am in many ways. Marriage will totally reveal that to anyone who's willing to take the time to analyze themselves a bit. =)

Allyson Butler said...

Such a great post. I'm getting married next summer, and I love to hear about the "real thing."

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