Goodbye Summer

Heres a wrap of our 2014 summer. Lot's of water time, trip to lake Tahoe, birthdays, weddings, hikes, and most importantly Ben's birthday. It was a good summer. I'm also glad that I heard about red balloons for Ryan. It makes feel connected to another mom who has lost her son.

Yesterday was the last day of summer, and it was a bittersweet day. I welcome cooler days, mostly because hot days in LA stink. On the other hand I'm not ready to let go of summer. I know that in Southern California I don't really have to say goodbye to the summer weather, but the weather is not really what I'm holding on to. What I'm really holding on to is the memory of Benjamin. I had already been feeling like people forgot about Benjamin (although thats not entirely true), but fall is just a reminder of how life goes on. Things end, life ends (at least here). People move on, with or without you. And It's only so long before the next baby is born and your baby is just a memory in peoples mind. Meanwhile to you, it feels like he was born just hours ago. Yeah, all of those memories are wrapped in summer for me.

I'm also reminded that It's our last summer here. At first I was really excited about that! Trying something new and possibly exciting. Now I'm starting to realize how  much I'm going to miss our family and my only friend (mayra ;).  I also can't help but feel like I'm leaving Ben behind. It's just hard imagining that his grave will not be visited or cleaned.

Wow, this post turned out way sadder than I planned for. On a brighter note, today is my moms birthday! And my moms birthday has always been a sign that fall is here. So here's to my beautiful mom, who turned 63 but looks 52 ;)

Love you, mom! Not pictured because she would kill me if I ever posted one.


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Mayra Romero said...

I know you only said "my only friend Mayra" because I am the only one of your close friends that reads your blog. I saw what you did there! anyway, this turned into a very sad post. Thanks for making me sad!
On a serious note... You don't have to worry about someone visiting Ben's grave. I will.I'll clean it too! if you ever feel like you need to see it, I will face time you from there! This next chapter is just that, a chapter. You have so many more chapters to go, and I have faith that you will come back and you will have a California Summer again. I totally get what you mean about the a season passing by, and it's marks more time that has gone by. It stinks! I don't know that it gets easier, but we've talked about it. We learn to live with it. I love you and your family! I am going to miss you soo much! I don't even want to think about it! But don't worry, you are not getting rid of me easy! you will be seeing me ALL THE TIME! :)
Love you! muah!

Oh give Primi a hug and kiss from me! Happy Birthday! :)

Mayra Romero said...

P.S I love how I am NOT included in any of your "summer" pictures!
So much for being your "only friend".

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