The strangest thing....

Motherhood has to be hands down the strangest thing in the entire world. If I could describe it in one sentence its like, loving someone more than life itself and wanting to lock that same person in a closet. I could try and explain that, but that's what it is. I love my kids more than my own life, but there are times where I feel like locking my two year old in a closet, or myself, I would settle for either. Now, I don't actually lock him in a closet, just to be clear. I use to hate it when people posted those list of everything a mom does and how being a stay at home mom is like having 20 different jobs. Now that I am actually a stay at home mom I realize that It's so much worse than that. Haha. Forget the things that you have to do on a daily basis like chores, but its the mind games that will drive you crazy. Have you ever heard people say if you like repeating yourself have a child? Yup! I think I say the same 5 phrases everyday. Just the other day he was eating dirt from a plant we have in our house. Dirt! Just, why?! I cant get him to eat broccoli but I have to punish him in order for him not to eat dirt. The reason I think motherhood can be so difficult is because It's a never ending battle. How can you love someone so much and have them drive you insane at the same time? Ive heard moms say that they feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from their kids. Why?! I would think you were a complete weirdo for wanting to spend every second with them. Nap time is my favorite time of day. You're not a bad mom for needing a break!

But It's hard not to feel like a bad mom, Its hard not to feel like failure, or that you're not good enough. It's never enough! Seriously. I know there are people who think all I do is watch TV and go shopping. I know there are people who see no value in what I do, and think I should be working. My own mother falls into that category. Even with other stay at home moms I fall short. Ive had STAY AT HOME MOMS ask me what I do on "the side". Like if I sell something, watch kids, have a business, and I've received the snarkiest comments and looks when I say no. All I can do is laugh because I  know we all have our own idea of motherhood. But most of the time I think its our own idea of what we should be like that beats us up the most. Over the years I've had to let go of a lot of those ideas. I stopped following certain people online, and stopped reading certain blogs. Because the picture they were presenting just wasn't realistic. The reality that most moms live in is the mundane. We don't get payed to take our kids on vacations or field trips. I don't have the time to take a million pictures of my son. I can't afford to wear the nicest clothes or dress my children in them. Our house doesn't look like pottery barn, the list goes on.

I would say most moms live in this. Most moms are just struggling not to go crazy because they've been at home for 5 days straight and they would like to spend a few minutes where you're not telling someone not to throw things. THAT'S NORMAL! But if you can afford any of the above, good for you, seriously. But if you cant, you're not alone. I think more moms than would like to admit are just trying not to feel overwhelmed. Motherhood is hard! It's never ending. Its getting up at an ungodly hour, and doing the same thing everyday in the hopes that you are raising an outstanding human. It's not caring that your child is taking all the tissues out of the box because at least he's not trying to head butt you for 5 minutes. Its saying Oh, Mickey Mouse is on even though your child is napping. It's sneaking candy by coughing so you don't have to share. It's incredibly satisfying and I LOVE IT! That is why I find it so strange. I love being a mom, I love my kids, I love being able to stay home and play with a toddler. Even though there are times where it can be hard (like when my toddler unfolds all the clothes I just folded), there is nothing like it in the world. I thank God for allowing us to be parents, and for giving us the grace to do it without going crazy.

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Michelle said...

You just described my thoughts 100% exactly. It's the best worst thing in the world. I don't know how other SAHMs do anything other than take care of their children. It's all I can do to keep us alive and the house running.

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