Why you shouldn't talk bad about your husband online






Social media is sometimes the disease that keeps on giving. Don't get me wrong, there are aspects of social media that are really awesome, but sometimes it can be a really crappy place. Interacting with people online, I think for some reason we say things we wouldn't normally say face to face. Often times that includes people closest to us. I have to admit that I myself have wanted to post some passive aggressive comments about people on Facebook. I think we all have those moments of wanting to give someone a piece of our mind without actually talking to them. Ive recently noticed a lot of wives who do it to their husbands. But I have compiled a list of reasons as to why you shouldn't talk bad about your husband (or anyone) online, but also anywhere else.

Gossip is gossip. I have such a hard time with gossip. I often say the first thing that pops into my head and not necessarily the best thing to say.  It is much easier to gossip online, wether in comments, messages, forums, tweets (ugh, tweets), or FB statuses. But when God said we were going to be accountable for every word, I think that includes tweets. Talking online can sometimes not seem like a big deal because we don't see the person who we're hurting but It's still gossip. You're "venting" or just being "funny," but it's still painting him in a bad light.


It changes your husbands reputation. Maybe you're just venting. Maybe you will change your mind in an hour. But as soon as you put those things out there people will form an opinion about him. I learned this the hard way. I said something about someone when I was really upset. After I was  over it, the person I told was still upset. I had already talked to and made up with them, but it was too late! They already formed an opinion based on the comments I made. On the other side of it, I have been the recipient of comments that have changed my opinion about people. The toothpaste analogy is really fitting in this scenario. Once you put those things out there, it is impossible to put them back. And you are putting it out there for hundreds of people to see. Imagine your shortcomings being broadcasted.

People will see you differently. Very rarely are people called out online. When I see a status that I don't agree with I usually don't say anything, even if I disagree. I think most people will either not say anything or try and make you feel better. But what people aren't saying, is that you're comments show you're immature and don't know how communicate in a relationship. What you're saying may be about your husband, but it also says a lot about you.


It will change you. You know what the best way to become a bad communicator is (besides that sentence)? Completely avoid your problems. Nothing will make you worse at it than completely avoiding a conversation. Do it long enough, and you have a great recipe for a bad marriage. Posting stuff online without the consequences of someone say anything will make you bitter, ineffective, and desperate for a resolution that might not ever happen.  

People are mostly going to agree with you because you're friends. So now not only are you bashing your husband but people on the internet are joining in. Can you imagine how awful that would feel if it was you? I can count on my one hand the number of times someone has told me they disagree with me online. Not because I'm always right (although I like to think that) but because friends don't want to make things awkward. Instead they probably silently formed opinions about me. I recognize that this is a lot of times easier said than done, because lets face it, the internet always listens. So what should you do?


Talk to your husband. Alway talk to him first and try to resolve the issue. And be open to the (rare and almost impossible) possibility that maybe you're the problem and the one that needs to change. Small example, when my husband leaves the milk out, he's not doing it because he's a mean vile man who wishes misery on my day. He just forgets. And you know what, It's not that hard for me to just put it back in the fridge.


Talk to a good friend. Preferably someone who is married and can relate to how difficult it can be.

Someone who doesn't gossip. I have friends who I know are going to agree with me and friends who are going to tell me like it is. There are times, unfortunately, that I just want to vent to someone (thats called gossip). Don't just talk to someone who will agree, but talk to someone who is going to give you sober advice, and someone who you know isn't going to tell someone else.

Someone who will pray. Most importantly, talk to someone who will pray for you. Not someone who just wants to know whats going on but is genuinely invested in your spiritual walk and wants to see you guys succeed.

I try and only ask for prayer or talk to someone when I'm having a really hard time. Most of the time I got to my mother in law  or sister(s) in law because they fulfill all of that criteria and because I trust that their opinion of my husband isn't going to change. Having spiritually mature friends who aren't just going to bash your husband is really important, for you and for your marriage.

There will be countless times where your husband will offend you or annoy you. So you will have countless chances to speak bad about him. Your husband will fail you because he is human and thats sort of what we're really good at. But fight the temptation to speak bad about him and instead pray. We are most disappointed when we put our trust in man instead of God.

I will add that this does not include major sins like verbal and physical abuse, cheating, or any sin that your husband is unwilling to change. You should always seek help and talk to someone about. Don't keep things like that to yourself. 

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Marjorie Stradinger said...

Daisy, this is SO important. Thanks for posting this. Women don't realize how much damage they can do with careless words--especially online. Also, this is true about gossip in general. Do not bear false witness against your neighbor is one of TEN commandments God gave to highlight what is most important to Him. Again, we carelessly join in on ridicule, gosspip, mockery and just plain old put-downs against people who have no idea we are doing so. It does permanent damage. If we have something disturbing to say, do it in prayer. God is at work on people, and we can damage HIS work. Our job is to edify, encourage, pray and sometimes exhort. There are Biblical instructions for that.

Thanks again for your ever-insightful thoughts.

Blessings
Marjorie

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